| its been quite awhile |
[Nov. 21st, 2005|08:43 am] |
| [ | music |
| | mix of my most played song on itunes | ] |
well its been awhile since i last wrote in this thing. but i cant sleep and im bored so i figured id write in it.
This semester has been .....well i dont really have a word for it. Both good and bad i guess. Ive been going through alot of stuff this emester but ona positive note I have some knew people in my life that im really happy about and alot of those who were already around i am now alot closer with.
Im postponing my semester in italy till next semester. I got accpected asa photo bfa. I made my first photo book. and im about to start working on my second one. I gota a job asa barback. i start in 2 weeks.
all in all my life is complicated, but thats the way it all works i suppose. Im still looking for all the answers and seeing what happens along the way.
thats it for now . Peace. |
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| everything looks so beautiful |
[Apr. 17th, 2005|07:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Pete Yorn- On your side | ] |
So i figured id update cause i have sometime to kill........
First off ....life is beautiful.....pledging is over with and my pledge class and i are in the sorority. YAY!!!!! Pledging was really hard but im really glad we all got through it. Its honestly one of the best decisions i ever made. Im so insanely happy right now. Honestly everything is going really well right now. This weekend was muchhh funn. Celebrated and chilled. P.S. My big is ssoooo frigin awesome, I heart her!!
We found a house for next year im puttin the down payment on it tomorrow. So ill have a place to come to overr the summer to party.
i need to to desperatly catch up on photo work. i gotta get my ass in gear,
Im gonna bounce cause im not really in a writing mood.
lovin life |
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| soo fuckin upset |
[Apr. 1st, 2005|11:10 pm] |
people suck. true story.
im so upset at this point. i could vomit right now. im not gonna even get into the specifics cause its not my style but im hurt....but there is soo much that could be said
NEXT TOPIC....... i realllly dnt wanna go back to school right now. im sooo fuckin sick. im sooo exhausted. i cant handle goin back to gettin at most 4 or 5 hours of sleep a night. im gonna end up back in the hospital. i cant take the stress. i just need to get past these next week and a half to 2 weeks but i dnt think i can. so i got my blood work back from my doctor yesterday. i DEFINATLY have epstein bar and on top of it im ANEMIC...so thats 2 sicknesses that make u very fatigued.....im like a walking zombie.....ive never felt like less of a person as i have lately....i cnt stand this..and my birthday is tuesday and without a doubt i know it will be the worst birthday ive ever had.....trust me i know
man..im a mess :( so bad |
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| The only one who is gonna look out for me, is me |
[Feb. 12th, 2005|09:07 pm] |
So these past two wekks have been extremly hectic. As some of you know, and some of you dnt know, I decided to rush AEPHI...and as long as i get a bid I'm going to pledge.
Ive been getting alot of shit from different people on this topic, not just one person but several. I have my reason for deciding to rush, and im not going to sit here and list them to justify myself but i do have them. Im a very independent and levelheaded person. i make choices because thats what i want to do and i feel is best for me. Im not the type of person to follow a crowd. and i'm not not going to pledge because a bunch of people tell me not to, and people claim that im not being an individual by pledging, but i think by listening to them and therefore going against what i feel is right for me would be me not being an individual.
i think alot of people have no idea of what they are talking about, and bitch about sororities cause its the hype and they are intimadated by the whole concept.....whatever the reasons...i dont care. I need to make choices for myself because nones ever truly been there for me than me (except my family)...if i keep makeing choices and holding myself back based on the wants and opinions of others than im goin to be left with nothing....cause in the end i'm only left with me. i dnt tell u how to live ur life . im not pointing anyone out because ive gotten shit from not just one but prob like 5 people. By the end of this semester I think im gonna learn alot about people |
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| hmmmm...interesting |
[Feb. 9th, 2005|01:21 am] |
Follow these simple instructions.
1. Comment and I will reply with something I really like about you.
2. I will then tell what song[s] remind me of you.
3. Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity/animated or otherwise.
4. Last, I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
5. Put this in your journal
go ahead you know you want to. |
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| A film in her eyes from the glow |
[Jan. 28th, 2005|11:31 pm] |
So the past few days havent been to easy but all that stuff is finally over and i will be back in school in a day and a half.I really need to get back.
i had such a good outlook about the semester and i was excited to be back and i was all organized (kind of)...things were goin well. and then all this happened and it put all that on hold and i think i was worried i wasnt gonna be able to get back in that mind frame...and at first i didnt think so but my friends def help me see otherwise.
both carissa and brooke showed up to the wake which really meant alot to me and i think helped make the time go by faster. and sheru came by later that night to my house and we chilled out and watched a movie. I def needed things like that. a few bright spots to break up the longs days that had been goin on.
i miss my suitemates gina called today to say hi and most of them were in the backround...im glad she callled, i like bein posted on whats goin on.
i really wish i was at the bars with everyone tonight. i got a phone call from adam while he and nick, clint , and matt were out....of course most of them were drunk..haha. i really miss those guys alot. we decided the old crew must be reunited.....i cant even begin to explain the awesome times we had together last year. they are nuts and i love them.
i need to get back to school ..i need to see my friends and i need to stay focused.
sunday cant come fast enough |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 24th, 2005|03:13 pm] |
i found out this morning my grandma died yesterday
so i go home to long island tomorrow and ill be back on sunday |
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| New Paltz part duex |
[Jan. 21st, 2005|05:11 pm] |
doo da doo
and they all said it would never happen......ok they didnt, i did.
whats it is im talking about you ask?
well it is now day 2 possible day three (dependin how u count it) back inn new paltz and i have already achieved two of my semester goals.
1: get a job
- i am now the new receptionist at the radiance salon and spa
2: i got myself a scannable new york state id
- i can thank my lovaly new roomate for that!!
thats rights kids i will now have money again and i will be able to party as often as i like. woo hoo
i hope im not jinxing myself here but i am a happy camper
so i met the new roomate....and i really like her. nice girl. i can tell shes gonna be my new party buddy. i can smell the drunken memorizes about to be made this semester
in fact i believe me and her are gonna start that tonight by hittin up the bars...and ill get to test out my id.
and tomorrow i believe we are goin to the bar too wit her friends from the rugby team and hopefully kady my love(oh how ive missed her)
hmm what am i gonna do for dinner tonight? decisions decisions.
this semester is off to a good start ..i have agood attitude and im not lettin anythin get me down. im not gonna take anyones shit this semester ...they arnt worth. my new approach....walk away.
not worth the aggravation |
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| Life was always back and forth and we were idling or making useless progress. |
[Jan. 15th, 2005|07:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | everything all at once | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Mae-Sun | ] |
So a good friend wrote me a letter for the plane ride out to San Francisco, you know to keep me company and to amuse me and such. well in part of that letter it said,
"For some reason I have a feeling your gonna come back completly changed......not completly changed..but inspired perhaps"
well being that that person knows me probably better than anybody ;) ...im not suprised that she was right. but i didnt realize it till tonight. I mean alot of things have happened here..ive done alot...and ive had these amzing feelings about things throughout all of it. but through alot of my time here i was just thinking about how this wasnt that crazy of a vaction acuse i wasnt running arouns at night with ppl my age and i was goin to bed early and stuff...but his was exactly what i needed...this whole trip gave me perspective ..on alot of things.
Fisrt off and probably the biggest thing is that i really got to know my uncle....because my uncle has lived here for over 20 years, i didnt know him that well growing up...and he didint know me that well..we were never close and i couldnt tell you much about him till now. And his wife, my aunt, i didnt get to know her that well either especially since her english sint that great.
but then i came here and i spent all this time getting to know him...and we have alot in common and i get to know my aunt a little better and i really like them ..like genuinly like them as people.
Now you may think oh ok big deal....well for me thats a big deal...other than my immediate family...i dnt have any other family members i like too much..alot of them are fake and im not close with any of them...and it ha always bothered me that i dnt have aunts and uncles or even grandparents that im close with. But now i feel like i have that. I have real sense of family now. and i cant explain the thought process behind that or why thats so big to me right now...i think only like 2 of you out there have an idea why...but its big to me. it really is. and some stuff happened this afternoon..good things and it made me realize things ive neede to realize for awhile.
for the longest time ive feel like ive been searching for stuff and i still am..but i feel that part of it came together for me..and i know i still have a long way to go...but this trip gave me somethings i really needed...it renewed me.
also ive watched my aunt and uncle together and how they act as a married couple and i think theyve been married over 10 years now...and they are the first married couple ive seen who seem to really love and care about each other. they are a team. that was somehting i needed to see. for the longest time ive thought that you cant be married and stay happy...things are always gonna change and the marriage if eventually gonna suffer...but apparently not...and maybe there happiness has something to do with the fact that they dont have kids ..but whatever...they are happy and they are a beautiful couple ...and i neede to know that that existed.
2nd ...i was inspired while i was out here...my aunts a devout buddhist and ive always been interested in it and watching her this vaction really sparked things in me.. For my uncles birthday the other day ...some monks from her temple came by and gave my uncle a blessing and i got to meet them...it was amazing. I really wanna learn all i can about it...ive ben saying for awhile that im gonna study and start practicing meditation but this time i really am.
Theres alot of goals i have for this semester and i feel like this break has really been a good resting and thinking time for me to come back to school and do what i want to do. and i know things arnt gonna be perfect and i am still gonna get frustratedw with that school but i think all this will help with that.
Last semester I was looking for alot of things and I turned to the wrong things and the wrong people to find them and it only ended up hurting me more. But i dnt need any of that now. i dnt need any of them. for the first time Im really ok on my own. and its one thing to say it but im actually going to prove it, but im doing it for myself i dont need anyones approval and for the first time in awhile i dont really care what anyone has to say or thinks about any of it.
i must say im pretty damn happy...im ok
so i fly home tomorrow..ill be gettin in new york around 9pm
ill be back in new paltz wed night..im crashin at kerry and brians aprtment till friday mornin when i can move into my dorm
for now i have my uncles aprtment to myself cause himm and my aunt are both working so im gonna go to japan town and get some icecream and then come back and take a bath and relax
miss you rissa ...see you tomorrow...finally |
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| The getaway |
[Jan. 7th, 2005|12:06 pm] |
So im here in san francisco. day 3. My uncle finally got his computer up and running cause he just moved into a new apartment. The aprtment is really nice...nice view, big windows, a balcony....(i love balcony's)
My aunt and uncles Thai restaurant is right across the street so you can see it when you look out the window. Im really g;lad i finally got to see there restaurant. its really nice. the area they live in is really nice...they live on the edge of japan town. its really cute area ...alot of the building are built in a japense style.
its been really rainy here lately but yesterday was beautiful and sunny all day... so me and my uncle drove by the cooast and went up into the mountains....it was unbelievable..breathtaking actually. words cant describe....these maountains are much bigger and nicer than the ones in new paltz and they over look the ocean.
i love the apartments and the arcjitecture in this town its just sooo beautiful....im toying with the idea of going to school here for my graduate program. they have a really good art school here.
Im really trying to work on my sketchbook while im out here....whenevr im in big cities i get inspired. i wann think of a painting to work on when i get home ...i wanna send it to my aunt and uncle.
w hile im here i want to go with my aunt to her buddhist temple...ive always been so intrigued by buddhism...i would love to go...and i wanna learn more about it.
i love this apartment...i wish i lived here on my own....i belong in big cities...not in small college towns.
but oh well....on another note ...i talked to kerry last night..i really miss her and we were talkin about this comin semester...i know i couldnt wait to leave new paltz a few weeks ago but now i cant wait to go back and start thenew semester. I feel like i have a lotn to come back to this time and im determined to geta job when i get back. And me and kerry really want5 to start hangin out with nick and adam and matt, and tom and clint...we lost touch with them this past semester but we all need to regroup again...im really fond of those guys.
i cant wait to get back and start workin on some photo stuff ...i have this concept for this series...i wanna do it on couples and and sex, relationships , the idea of one night stands ...the concept of loss and fa;lling in and out of love...i still have to work out the whole thing ..but thats the direction i want to go in...i need to find people who wanna model...i have afew that volunteered already...but i need more variety and people who are comfortable with nudity and sexual topics...i think im gonna work myself into it too..i like being in my own work.
sooo many ideas..i just wanna get back to school
i really miss carissa though...if i could have one person here with me right now...it would be her....we would tear it up in this city. |
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| San Francisco |
[Jan. 4th, 2005|09:46 pm] |
I leave for Cali first thing in the morning. I cant wait to get outa here...my house is chaos right now.
But i am def gonna miss carissa...i wish we could of had more play time before i left but things have been hectic between the holidays and the class shes takin ...its been busy times for evryone.
But me and her are gonna play everyday whn i get back and im gonna call her evryday when I'm away. Cause i heart her.
So i leave tomorrow and i come back Sunday the 16th......and then i go back to school the following Sat.
Hopefully while im away i will have access to a computer so i can update this thing and go on aim.
But if i cant i have my cell phone and i have verision so i dnt get charged roaming so u can call the cell and whatnot if you so choose.,.....carissa you have no choice you have to call me :)
my carisssa love wrote me a cute letter to keep me company when i am on the plane...i cant wait to read it ..but i have to wait til the plane.....but that made me sooo happy :)
So goodbye peoples.....I'm off to San fransisco |
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| Alot of things |
[Jan. 3rd, 2005|01:49 am] |
APRIL:
Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to
regret.
Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong
mentality. Loves attention.
Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's
problems. Brave and
fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and
generous. Emotional.
Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving Motivates
oneself and others.
Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a
way that only their luver can see.
What does your birth month say about you?
brought to you by Quizilla
I am emotion |
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| Dance offs and gay greek ballerinas |
[Dec. 31st, 2004|02:20 pm] |
so the first truly fun night of my vacation was last night. we all went to the bar and danced it up....even though i was kinda poopy and didnt dance as much as i usually do. but it was still sooo fun.
Chris and Paul are awesome dancers ....so funny.
Ryan is my favorite drunk.....even though he bit carissa nand caused a scene at bagel boss at 3;30 in da mornin.
oh man i really do love my friends.
"i squoozed it"
"no you cannot put your applesauce in my piniata"
"i cant switch it up"
i anticipate tonight being lots of fun....party at carissa's!!
just a fun crazy time with some good friends. and i plan on gettin nice and drunk since i barely drank last night
im also makin up for my lack of dancin.....the plan is everyones dancin in their underwear in the livin room(my idea of course)
tonight shall be beautiful times with my beautiful friends...sadly some of our good friends i dnt think are comin and i miss them
but i think its nice im ringin in the new year again with carissa and with ryan and chris ...just like last year.....ohh man last year's party was nuts ...i wonder how the 2 will compare...we'll see i suppose
i leave for san francisco in 5 days...yay
oh gotta go ..riss is here...we gotta get stuff for da party
Happy new year!! |
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| "Our apartment was so small when I was younger, that my mom made me play in the oven" |
[Dec. 29th, 2004|11:02 am] |
Just got back from the city ....spent the night at mikes apartment..i havent seen him since september.....the little bastard managed to get one on the upper east side (gorgeous area)
not that crazy of a night...we had dinner went to an internet cafe then went back to the apartment and he made me watch the ridiculous movies and i kept making him shut them off cause i was bored outta my mind....finally he put on this strange movie called Hedwig and the angry inch...kinda funny.
i think the train ride there and back was the best part...i love trains and i love staring out the windopw and listening to music...i get my best ideas during that time
umm i have been having trouble sleeping the past week...its been pissing me off..i love my sleep and i hate it whn i cant sleep...i prob cant because ive been spendin so much time not doing anything and therefore i am never tired
AUDREYS COMING TODAY!!!! so excited...i miss her ..we havent chilled in awhile...the last month we were at school we barely hung out....tonight should be fun...i think gina is gonna stay over tonight too....yay slumber party....
p.s. i feel like everyone is getting engaged this month...very wierd..makes me feel old....sort of |
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| How many days till cali? |
[Dec. 27th, 2004|08:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  irritated | ] |
ok sooo its official..........HOME SUCKS. I cant wait to leave for cali. Im bored out of my mind ...even more than when i was at school...who would of thought that could of been possible..not me.
Noones been chillin which completly blows so ive been bored outa my mind. If i wasnt goin to california then id take the train back to new paltz and stay at kerrys apartment....cause im ready to shoot myself.
on a brighter note....audrey might be comin to long island tomorrow and she may stay by me for a few days.......which means me, her, gina , and chris can chill and what not and proceed with our usual highjinx.....
i fuckin hate being home......cant believe home has turned out to be shitter than school...so irritating.....so fuckin pist |
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| sooooo sick |
[Dec. 24th, 2004|12:07 pm] |
this is gonna be quick
im soo fuckin sick i got my sisters stomach virus..ive been up since 5 throwing up ...apparently this last 3 days ...so it looks like im spendin christmas home by myself puking
i feel like hell
:( |
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| An original boy |
[Dec. 24th, 2004|01:47 am] |
back again....
so im watching 40 days and 40 nights (has jods hartnett in it) ...in it he gives up sex and all sex like things for lent....
well in the movie he takes this girl out on a date ...and what he does for the date is they just ride the public bus alll night and just talk and goof off
That to me is completly ...i dont really have a word for it. ...but thats sort of the epitome of what i want from a guy, someone i can do things like that with....but a guy clever and originale enough to think of stuf like that on his own....i guess that sort of falls under the spontaneous category ...but its more like spontaneous and original.....so thats what i would love to find ..a guy whos spontaneous and original
i want an equal who i can do new and different things with
who know if ill ever meet anyone like that....but its an amazing idea |
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| Love is a battlefield |
[Dec. 24th, 2004|12:04 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | get me a car..or ill kill you | ] |
| [ | music |
| | love is a battlefield | ] |
Just finished watching 13 goin on 30 .......cute movie......im a sucker for cheesy sappy movies......whatever im a hopeless romantic.
it is now officially christmas eve....which means in 24 hours its christmass ...which means after this damn weekend is over people wont be so busy......and then the partyin begins!!!
Carissa is comin over for christmas eve dinner which makes me soooooo happy...theres no other way id rather spend the holiday than with my immediate family and my best friend.....well maybe id be nice if i had a significant other to share it with but ....2 out of 3 aint bad.
Christmass willl be chaos cause its at my aunts house and my moms family makes me wanna stick hot sharp objects into my limbs...i mean whatelse says christmass betetr than being irrated to the point that inflicting pain upon ones self seems like a fun and wonderful idea....i hate holidays and family gathereings.
so far being home sucks and i feel like there is no pleasing me because whn im at school i hate it and i wanna be home and now that im home i wanna be at school..but i know things here will prob pick up. I miss the girls in my suite though....i like just bein able to walk in there rooms whn im bored....whn im bored here....well i guess there my dog i can talk to .....,but thats not right for obvious reasons.
ohh i talked to sheru tonight...which is awesome cause ive been tryin to get a hold of him....hes up from florida for a bit...i really hope i get to see him cause its been to long....he needs to move back to new york.
not having a car is slowly killing me...i need to go to san francisco asap.....as in NOW |
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| 25 cent machine memorizes and I hate life bumper stickers |
[Dec. 21st, 2004|11:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | your fresh wit your words | ] |
soooo vacation....um glad to be away from new paltz and all that horseshit...although i do miss some people, namely tracy, idriss,kerry, gina(but i see her at home)and um.....ok thats basically it.
havent done much since ive been back....chilled with gina but then we got snowed in and made nachos and watched britneys most outrageous (hahha)
yesterday i finally saw my rissa love. narf. we hit the mall that iss known as roosevelt. Said hi to Sean and Zizzo. sadly seans leavin for italy next week so i wont see much of him. tried to visit margaret but couldnt find her...went home and discussed my boredom with some friends.
Today i spent the day around the house not accomplishing much of anything ....then me and rissa ran out for a bit and went to liquidators got some 25 cent machine necklaces...i got a moon and rissa got some tooth shaped thing... (im addicted) then to B squared and got me some overabundance of bagels. Rissa has some silly final tomorrow so she had to go home and eat ice cream and study so she can kick butt.
so im here kinda bored...i wanna go play...but everyone is workin or has finals....
um on a brighter note....got my grades...i made deans list...yea i know im too kool
um also ...IM GOIN TO SAN FRANCISCO!!!!! woooo fuckin hoooo ive always wanted to go ...never been. soo excited ...i leave jan 5th and im back the 16th....stayin with my aunt and uncle. my aunt is this adorable Thai lady named Pai and she owns i Thai restaurant and im gonna help out there. Gonna check out the art schools while im out there too...ahh im sooo excited...im prob not gonna wanna come home...well except im gonna mi8ss rissa like whoa.
ummm whn i get back gonna chill with the crew...im gonna try and go to new paltz for a few days and stay wit kerry so i can try and geta fuckin jobbb.....stupid town of new paltz. gerrrr.
OH!! I NEED AN ID! pleasssse help with that if you can ...i really need one. soo yea help me ...much appreciated.
ok momentary break...rissa just called my phone....ps. shes my favorite thing about being home sooo im packin her in my suitecase and bringin her to cali.
tomorrow goin to the old high school with john to visit our old art teacher ...cause shes kool...and johns my bestest and i havent seen him yet...cause hes busy strippin at work haha...srry john
doooo da dooooo i swear im not addicted
someone buy me a car.......and i will be forever indebted to you |
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| I saw you in a dream and woke up but only to find out you arnt real |
[Dec. 19th, 2004|10:04 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | I can still see your face | ] |
Have you ever dreampt something and it felt so real and vivid. And you woke up to find out it wasn't real. But you wished more than anything it was.
I just woke up and i can basically remember it perfectly ...and i see the persons face sooo clearly amd i want so bad for that not to actually be a dream.
I'ts kind of ironic that something like that only happens in my dreams because thats how I feel most of time...that the only way thats gonna seem to happen is in my dreams.
The whole thing kinda makes me sad. |
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